This is a website devoted to the use and abuse of the English language by Mr Brew.  Please find below some highlights, and indeed lowlights, from over a decade of word-massacring in the field of games journalism.

“Few things distress the soul like the quiet agony of indecision.  Sat alone in the darkness, willing yourself to sally forth into a direction of crystalised clarity; a venture that will shower you with phantasmagorical rewards of enthrallment and gratification.”  The Agony of Indecision

“In a dramatic moment I ran into my first enemy, after realising it wasn’t just a tea strainer with long arms. I affably strolled up to him and let blast with my machine gun.  I stood there for 30 seconds firing at point blank range without discernible effect until he eventually killed me by audaciously swinging his arms at me.”  March! Offworld Recon Review

“An asthmatic octogenarian could do more damage firing soggy tissue from a bent peashooter.”  Starsky & Hutch Review

” ‘Twas on this fateful day that my gaming perceptions were wrenched askew.  And for the first time ever, CSS forced me to make a decision that had moral implications.”  Realisation

“Yet..I feel nothing.  Not a single scrap of affection for my silent partner.  I even gave him a name to make him a bit more personable, but Bally the ball is still characterless.  He just rolls along beside me, prideful of his roundness, and I’d happily discard him at any time in favour of a small pet frog.  Called Froggy.”  The Ball Review

“The camera that follows the movement of your character is unfortunately bred from the same intelligence tree as your soldiers.  It trails miserably around behind you perfectly for ages, but the second you get involved in battle it gets all excited and roams around uncontrollably, leading to many a spectacular attack into thin air in entirely the wrong direction, whilst your foes attack your labouring posterior with unbridled glee.”  Dynasty Warriors 4 Hyper Review

“I reached the summit of the hill, the sun slowly sinking amidst a fiery red sky.  Beneath me, metal smashed on metal as my soldiers made contact with the enemy force.  For one long minute I watched the battle hover in the balance, then I purposefully drew my sword.  It caught one of the sun’s dying rays and glowed fiercely, as if with relish for the fight.”  Mount & Blade Review

“You could batter them to death with a brolly if you wanted.”  The Ship Review

“Bending your legs behind your neck, then plaiting your chin into your backside, followed by a tendon-ripping 840 degree side-stretch, and your little in-game dude will still stand there grinning as though it is all just a game.”  Rag Doll Kung Fu Review

“The solitude really affects you as you explore the outer reaches of the known universe.  No living soul for thousand of miles, and I felt so lonesome that I almost wept at one point.  Thankfully a passing comet expressed its welcome, and I played with it gratefully for a couple of hours before making my slow and lonesome way back to civilisation.”  X2: The Threat Review

“Alternatively, try poking little twigs in your ears and pretending to be the Twig Monster.  ROWR!  It’s just so much more fun than playing this game!”  Clay Pigeon Shooting Review

“The stirring oration that followed spoke proudly of Rome, the might of the Roman army, and the worthiness of their cause.  The words seemed not to originate with himself, but as though some mighty warrior was channelling a speech through him.  But the men soaked up every word of it.  They responded unanimously with an almighty war cry and clashed their swords on their shields, their lust for battle re-ignited by the rousing and inspiring words of their leader.  Secundus smiled grimly to himself.  Morale was high; the time to act was now.”  Rome: Total War Review

“Marginally reducing the chances of being botty-batted.”  Mini Motor Racing EVO Review

“When endeavouring to neutralise a psychotic gun nut who is standing five feet away and about to open fire upon you, do you?  A) Shoot him down quickly.  B) Ask if he’d like to talk things through.  C) Expend all your ammo shooting into the wall 90º to his left.”  Cops 2170: The Power of the Law Review